I Get Angry With Myself
by Lily Luna Longbottom
Summary: "You see, Brittany, Blaine did something very bad and it made me really angry, but I wasn't the only angry one. Blaine was very angry at himself as well, so he chooses to hurt himself as punishment." "That's not very nice, Santana told me I'm not supposed to hurt anyone no matter how mad I get at them." Trigger Warning: Self Harm
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey, you guys! I've only ever written one other Glee story so I'm not very good with them but anyway... This is the first part to a two-shot I'm working on. Spoilers for The Break Up episode, sorry. **

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Glee._  
**

Blaine wrapped his arms around his knees as he curled into himself, seated on a bench two blocks from the airport. He had just gotten back from New York where he had been to visit Kurt and play his hand in the blackjack game they called their relationship. Closest to 21 without going over ruins the relationship. Blaine won.

Blaine pulled himself in tighter, trying to keep himself together when all he wanted was to fall apart. All he'd wanted for the weeks since Kurt had left. He couldn't though, not now, not since there was no one left to put him back together. Kurt was the glue that held him together and Eli was the rain that Blaine voluntarily stepped out into and he couldn't blame anyone else as he started to lose parts of himself.

It had been merely days since the incident with Eli. Blaine could still feel the patterns Eli's finger tips had traced on his skin as though they were burnt there, itching and stinging. He still felt disgusting, even though he had showered till his skin was raw. Still felt like crying, even though he had barely stopped in the last 96 hours. Still felt like breaking, even though he was already broken.

A sleek silver car pulled up by the curb, Blaine recognized the driver as his mother. He slid into the backseat after depositing his luggage in the trunk.

"Hello Blaine, dear, how was New York? Was your little friend happy to see you?" His mother questioned with a false sense of cheeriness. Blaine dismissed her with a nod and spent the rest of the ride pretending to sleep, just pretending.

* * *

"Brittany, you have to swear to me that you won't tell anyone what you saw, okay? Not anyone in New Directions, not Santana and especially not Kurt? Okay?"

"I'm sorry, Blaine Warbler, I just wanted to come see you. I haven't seen you since you flew south with the rest of the Warblers…"

"I know, Britt, it's not your fault. Just promise, kay?"

"I promise, Blaine. I miss you, though."

"I miss you too, Brittany."

"Everyone else misses you too, they won't say it, but I know they do."

"Don't be silly."

"You really don't think they miss you?" Blaine shook his head.

"That's sad." Brittany whispered and they reached over to hug Blaine.

* * *

"What do you mean; you haven't heard from Blaine in two months? Finn!"

"Dude, why do you care, you haven't spoken to him in three! He cheated on you, Bro!"

"If you don't care, then why did you call me to come here, Finn, I'm busy you know."

"It's not just me; no one has heard from Blaine, I think that there might be something wrong…"

"Are you sure? No one's heard a thing from him since he transferred back to Dalton?"

"No one. Well, Brittany said she was going to see him a couple weeks ago but, she hasn't said anything about it since so I don't think she ever went." Kurt looked around the old choir room at McKinley High.

"I want to talk to her."

At the end of Glee Club that day, Kurt asked Brittany to stay after for a couple of minutes.

"Of course, Kurtie, what do you want to talk about?"

"I want to talk about Blaine. Have you seen him recently?"

"Yeah, of course, silly, he's like my best unicorn friend ever. I saw him a couple weeks ago and now we talk on the phone like every day."

"When you saw him, was he okay?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because, it's a secret. Blaine Warbler told me not to tell anyone at all, especially Kurt, and your Kurt so I can't tell you."

"Brittany, you need to tell me, okay. It's for Blaine's own good."

"I don't see what the big deal is anyway. All he had done was cut himself shaving. He must be really bad though, because even I don't cut myself that much when I'm shaving."

"Wait, Brittany, what happened?"

"I walked into Blaine's room and he was shaving his arms, but he had cut himself a bunch of times. It was probably because he was shaking so badly though."

"O my god… Oh god… no, he… he wouldn't…" Kurt began to hyperventilate.

"Kurt, what's wrong? Did I say something?" Kurt quickly shook himself from his panic and turned to Brittany as calmly as he could.

"Kurt, did Blaine do it to himself?" Kurt nodded his head. "Why? Blaine Warbler is always so happy."

"You see, Brittany, Blaine did something very bad and it made me really angry, but I wasn't the only angry one. Blaine was very angry at himself as well, so he chooses to hurt himself as punishment."

"That's not very nice, Santana told me I'm not supposed to hurt anyone no matter how mad I get at them."

"Exactly, Britt, it's very bad that Blaine does this, so now we have to get him to stop."

"Sometimes, when I talk to Blaine, he tells me that he is sad and that he misses you. Maybe he would be able to forgive himself if he saw you do it first."

"Maybe."


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, gay face, what brings you to Dalton?" Kurt knew that voice.

"I'm here to see Blaine." He cut in quickly.

"No." Sebastian jumped in front of Kurt, a look of panic flashes across his face, shocking Kurt.

"Why not? He's still my boyfriend you know!"

"Kurt, you haven't spoken to him in like three months."

"We haven't officially broken up yet Sebastian. I'm allowed to see him." Kurt said, getting frustrated.

"I don't want you to."

"I don't care what you want. What I do with my boyfriend is none of your business."

"He's, ummm, he's sick." Sebastian looked as though he was getting desperate.

"That's fine; I just want to see him..."

"Kurt, he's just-"

"Wait, do you know?"

"Know what?" Sebastian had started to sweat.

"Know about the- the cu-"

"Sh!" Sebastian slapped a hand over Kurt's mouth. "Don't. Not here, please."

"You'd better tell me what you know, Sebastian or so help me god, I will-"

"I will, just not here. Please, not here." Kurt nodded and followed Sebastian to his room.

"I found out a while ago, Blaine and me- we, uh, well, he said you hated him and I just assumed that that meant that you had broken up. So, I, uh, I pursued him, I guess, and he just went along with it. At first I just thought he wanted, like a fling, you know, like a rebound fuck, but fuck- I just- we kissed and he was whimpering and I just thought it was the hottest thing and it just makes me sick because- fuck, I got his shirt off and- and the scars were fucking everywhere. I looked up at him and he was crying and he just looked at me like he- god, like he was so done. He started mumbling about how I wouldn't want him now and how stupid he was and- Fuck, Kurt, I ran. I- I talked to him about it later, told him he could come to me to talk, but, K-Kurt, I just-" Sebastian began to choke on a sob. Kurt, himself was in tears. How could Blaine change so much in such a short time? What had happened to him? Was it even really that much of a change or had Kurt just not seen it?"

Just then there was a knock on Sebastian's door. A quiet voice came through the door.

"Bas, are you in there? I just really need to be around someone and you're the only one who-"

By this time, Blaine had tried the door and found it open. He stuck his head in and immediately went pale.

"Kurt. I- I didn't know you were here. I'll just go- I have to go. So-Sorry. Sorry."

"God, Blaine, come back. It's not what it looks like, I swear. We were just talking. We were talking about you." Sebastian yelled after Blaine down the hall. "Kurt knows, Blaine. He _knows._"

Blaine stopped where he was, eyes wide. He spun around to face Sebastian.

"You promised. How could you do that, Bas? You promised me."

"I didn't, I swear. B, I didn't tell him, he knew. Brittany must have told him. I know you told her. I know that's why she's here so much now."

"You swear, Sebastian?" Blaine's eyes were watering.

"I swear on my sex life, B, you know I would never betray you like that." Sebastian looked at Kurt and then back at Blaine. "He's here to see you. He wants to talk to you. Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah-yeah, I guess." Blaine mumbled.

"You can, umm; you can use my room if you like."

"Thanks, yeah." Sebastian placed a hand on Blaine's shoulder as he passed, looking him in the eye.

"If you need anything-"

"I'll be fine."

Minutes later found Kurt and Blaine seated on Sebastian's bed, facing each other.

"So, uh, how've you been?" Kurt asked.

"Um, fine."

"You sure? I've heard otherwise, Blaine."

"Yeah, um, I guess."

"Blaine, why'd you do it?"

"It's nothing, really, it doesn't matter."

"It's you, it always matters."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."


End file.
